He Said, She Said!

There is a myth about sexual assault that needs to be cleared up. It is not due to some overwhelming, uncontrollable desire that some poor guy wasn’t able to keep himself from acting upon. It is an ASSAULT! It is a physical and usually violent assault on another human being. It is often done to degrade and humiliate. It is done due to a lack of respect and consideration for someone else. It is as romantic as shoving someone’s head into a toilet and making them drink the water. There is nothing about it that is excusable or understandable or acceptable. It is a violation of a most personal nature.

There is nothing about a sexual assault that is the responsibility of the victim. It does not matter where she was, what she wore, what time it was, what her prior actions were, what her occupation is, or if she initially said yes then had a second thought. There is no scenario where it is Ok to force someone into a sexual act or to perform a sexual act upon them without their permission and knowledge!

We need to have a mind shift regarding this crime. The “rape victim” is a sexual assault survivor! They have been through an ordeal that will remain with them. They need understanding and support, not judgment and doubt. Their character is too often put to question to a greater degree than is their attacker’s. That needs to stop.

Men need to learn how to properly conduct themselves. While not all men are potential rapists, they can put themselves in positions that they never had to be in. Do not look at women as conquests. Do not look at women as somehow less important or valuable than you. Do not approach an interactive situation with the goal of seeing how far you can get, especially if you’re trying to get someone to go farther than they want to. Anything less than a 100 percent yes, is a no! Anything that is in doubt is a no. What happened last week, or yesterday, or even an hour ago, has nothing to do with right now! Alcohol is not an excuse. If alcohol impairs your judgement then don’t drink! If you think it was consensual and she says it was not, it was not!

Men need to stop taking advantage of women. They need to stop treating them like second-class citizens. They need to stop trying to force themselves on them. They need to learn how to keep their hands to themselves. They need to stop trying to leverage power and/or money to coerce women into doing things that they do not want to do. They need to stop being so arrogant and self-centered. They need to stop acting as if they are superior or more important than women, because they are not.

Men need to stop accepting excuses from other men who try to justify their bad behavior. Men need to stop looking the other way when they see this bad behavior. Men need to listen, actually hear, and then take action when they are told about this bad behavior. Men need to support women who have suffered though negative experiences because of other men. They need to not be the slightest bit judgmental of women who have suffered through these situations as no part of this was their fault.

Men need to understand that women do not bring these situations on themsleves. They need to educate other men (and boys) as to proper behavior as it relates to how to treat women. They need to call out the bad behavior of other men when they see it as not being right or acceptable. Men need to stop looking the other way. They need to help women find and have the empowerment, respect, and opportunites that they deserve.

Men need to start being a much better version of themselves. And those of us who feel we are on the right path need to work harder to show others the way!